Thought I’d write something about you last night. And let the writings sleep beside me. Many thoughts passed me when I sat thinking about you. What would I dress you in? What would I make you to speak? Should you sing to me? I let my pen decide, but it failed me. I ended up sleeping with some blank notes beside my pillow. Perhaps that was the best that could have described your presence in my life – omnipresent and yet without a load to weigh me down.
In the morning, I had to prepare a grocery checklist. I took the still-sleeping blank notes from my bedside, and jotted down my list – potatoes, toothpaste, onions, lentils, dishwasher, soybeans…
The other night, I had looked out from my balcony into the nascent lights of the nearby slum. There was a sense of orderliness in the unorganized setup of incandescence that glowed in the dark. Each blob of light seemed to borrow a glow from the other blobs that it itself radiated out.
That was a sight of what love is.
Far in distance, I saw a forlorn light. At that moment when I looked at it, I knew exactly how it felt, maybe because I could relate to it.
I asked myself: deeply scarred and stained in love, can a man lose his ability to find love again within himself? After something slays the very seed of love in him, making him incapable of seeing love in others… I did not find an answer to that, but just some directions that pointed at my vain trials to let this seed grow into my life.
When I bought my groceries today, I checked the note with the ticks and the crosses. I still have to buy the dishwasher and also the lentils. I looked at the note for a long time; if I could erase the writings, it’d just be you in the blank note who gave me company last night.
Folding the note carefully, I kept it in underneath my pillow. That should warm me, I thought
-----------------------------------------------------------------
You’d forgive me, perhaps, for the feelings that disown me when I chase them, and sleep in my shadow when I tire down in their pursuit.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
People say "In pursuit of happiness" I say its "In pursuit of love"... Gud to see you grow as a writer/blogger.... But as per my experience love and luck don't go hand in hand... So u can either be lucky or in love....
Post a Comment