What is it that I want?

“But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”

Bono sang for me all night, bringing me to one question that I’ve been struggling to get an answer for.

What is it that I want?

I do not find any reason in the space of time that I butcher away from the morning when I step out to go to office to the evening when I heave myself back home. Every morning I see the raising Sun, and every evening I forget of its existence in my life. As I’m climbing the corporate ladder, I tend to ask this question less and less. I seem to be more content to let life “unfold itself”. But every now and then, the question comes to me like some viral fever. During this viral attack, I move from the content being to a restless drifter who questions everything that is and that can be. This drifter sees nothing as an impossibility and wants to find an answer to the age-old question that has been lying dormant. I call this the “awakening”. Unfortunately, I’m still able to resist the call of this awakening and move on. Somehow I am reluctant to find the answers, maybe because it asks me to leave my secure world and step in to the uncertainty. With each passing day, I’m getting glued to this secure world of mine, and in the process moving away, gradually, from that single answer.

I do not know why this fever is not strong enough; sometimes I pray that it lasts a bit longer so that there is no U turn for me to my mundane world. I would then have only one way – the way towards my answer.