My Diary Entries: Thoughts on Distance and Gravity of Emotions

To the soot in my hearth, and the simplicity of its being
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Have you ever paused to think of the life that you have lived? Not an introspection but of the myriad moments and actions that went on to define the moment you are standing at. Of the countless misses in your life. Of the small things which you did or did not do that lead to the misses. Of what was always yours but still you lost it. Of the irony that you seem to repeat the same again. Wisdom is so insignificant and so is experience. It just hinges upon the emotional strength of a person to let wisdom or experience hold root. And we all know how mercurial emotions are. Put it in a cup, and you have a cup of tea to warm you. Put it on the floor and they’ll try to cling together in a few droplets like the scared slaves of the Pharaohs. Try to put a rein on it, and it’ll always slip off. Caress it gently, and it’ll dance for you.

My emotions have always been like this – a few grams of mercury that played as it wished. Made me to wonder, if I was its slave. One day the tempo chord will strike and I’ll be the funniest guy around. Everything would seem funny and sans sarcasm. On another day the melancholy chord will strike and I’ll sit in my balcony and let it rain inside me. It is during these lonely balcony sessions do I discover all the losses in my life.

Of it all, I ponder most on the love that has always been with me like the North Star. The seasons have changed, the clouds have come and gone, the tiny sapling to the east of my balcony has grown in to a small tree, and yet her presence has remained the same. Still, she is as insignificant as the soot frittering away from the charcoal in the hearth. So why am I giving significance to the soot and cleaning the hearth everyday? What pulls me to her? I call it the gravity of emotions that threads an invisible chord between the emotions of two persons. It sounds stupid but perhaps a Galileo or a Newton would discover it in the years to come. Whatever the new gravity theory is, I still wait for the day when we’d obey its law and fall into each other. Until then, I’d keep looking at the void from my balcony, in an attempt to sculpt her somewhere in the cloud’s kingdom.